Gamers as parents

[Vandenh]

I know a few of the EA gang here are parents (or will be in the near future) and the BBC has an interesting article (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/4553538.stm) about gaming for young kids.
But, said Mr Bub, the hard decision to reach is not if or when to buy a game console for your children but to have the courage to let them play by themselves and with their friends.

"There has to be time when dad plays with the kids and time when they play on their own," he said.

[Nesta]

I'm so that gaming Dad. My daughter's only 2 1/2 and she's already showing keen interest in my games. She doesn't have the ability to really play them at this point, but I'm sure it won't be long.

The article brings up good points, though. It will be important to let her play games by herself sometimes instead of always playing with me. That's going to be tough for me. :)

[zombiekiller13]

I too am a gaming dad. It's hard not to be, with my start in gaming going back to the Atari 2600. I thought that having a kid would mean that I'd have to give up my video games, and though my time is limited with all the craziness that comes along with a kid, I do manage to squeeze in an hour or two a day.

My son is almost 2 and loves to watch me play, just so long as he can hold a controller. He even managed to start up a game of Mario Kart Double Dash, though he basically just hit buttons until the screen changed. Pretty soon, I'll have a second-player around all the time...beats having to call around to see which friend is available to come over for a gaming session :)

Like I said, I do try to limit my gaming when he's around, because I don't want him to become hooked. But like my mom told me, video games are good practice for hand-eye coordination, problem-solving, and she knew where I was when I was playing.

And I definitely won't be one of those parents that blindly buy their kids "bad" games, since I know what is out there.

Just on a related note: are there any gaming dads (or moms) out there that get frustrated with the games that have limited save points or games that penalize you for saving often (Resident Evil comes to mind)? Back in the day, I could spend hours burning through a game without saving, but now, there always the chance that my son wants to color or accidentally spills something, requiring me to save my game and end it for the day. The thing I hate the most is the games like Prince of Persia or X-Men Legends, where one part will have save points back to back, but another will require you to go far distances and sometimes battle though crazy-tough enemies or solve some sort of lengthy puzzle. There are times that I don't have time to go through all of that and end up getting so frustrated because I'm spending an hour just trying to find a save point that I give up and turn the game off, hoping I can get to it the next time I play.

I don't mind a difficult game...just don't make me pull my hair out just because I want to save my game whenever I need to.

Game developers should put a new setting into games: "Gaming Parent". Plentiful save points and no deduction in final score if you save often :)

[ÜberJumper]

I'm a gaming dad.

My 2 year old daughter has been identifying Tanks for me in BF2 for a couple of months now.

My wife and I help her play Flash games. Once she can control the mouse, she will control the world!

[zombiekiller13]

My 2 year old daughter has been identifying Tanks for me in BF2 for a couple of months now.


I forgot to mention, along the same vein, that my son will yell "combo" out while I'm playing X-Men Legends (if you don't know, performing a combo is follwed by a voice that says "combo!"). he'll also say "uh-oh!" when a Sentinel appears on the screen.

[Taco]

My dad raised me on Zelda, Rygar, Metroid and Kid Icarus when I was around 4 or 5 and then graduated me to Wolfenstein and Doom(anyone remember Blake Stone?). Also introduced me to the multiplayer world by playing Doom against him over a parallel cable.

Now the tide has turned and I introduce him to the new PC games out there, mostly FPS games.

Worked out well, I've only murdered two people.

[screwtape]

My friend has a 5-year-old son. It's amazing to watch him play. He's great at the Ratchet & Clank games, racing games, and can even hold his own in Command and Conquer. Good to know a new generation of gamers will follow in our collective footsteps.

I wonder if these kids will be any different from today's gamers? I mean, while my parents never actively discouraged me from playing games, they never really encouraged it either. I always felt somewhat alienated from my parents (and most of the people around me), because my favorite passtime wasn't something that interested them. If it's something the family plays together, the social stigma of playing games might lessen considerably.</Dr. Phil>

[BenSkywalker]

Just on a related note: are there any gaming dads (or moms) out there that get frustrated with the games that have limited save points or games that penalize you for saving often (Resident Evil comes to mind)?

Father of five- four are now old enough to be gaming(ages 6 1/2 months for my youngest to 10 yrs for my oldest). A couple of things, as the father of a young child if you are going to be gaming when you may be needed- stick to the portables to avoid frustration. My SP in particular is great for time when the kids need me semi present(they are playing and I have a few minutes to blow although I'm still jumping in and out of their play time as needed which makes the PSP/DS a no go for now- SPs are d@mn tanks).

The 'real' gaming starts when the younger kids have gone to bed. Right now I'm working through DQ8 and there are some seriously long points between oppurtunities to save there. To avoid frustration I don't even think about touching it until I know I can devote a couple of hours, minimum, to gaming without issue. If the baby wakes up and needs some attention I have the ability to pause, or, hand it off to my oldest son to handle things for me until I get back. This latter part is becoming a great joy of mine. As my oldest son heads to the pre-teen stage and starts to seperate a bit more gaming is still one thing that I can always talk to him about when he isn't in the mood to talk(great gateway for broader conversations). It is also very cool to have someone else in the house who appreciates why equipping a weapon with 4 points less attack can be beneficial if it has a +5 rating against your targets type- and know when to equip those weapons without any prompting.

For starters IME kids today start moving to serious gaming with Pokemon. Non parents may laugh or lament the mass media Pokemon while not ever trying out the game. I picked them up at first to know what my kids were playing- they are actually extremely good. For several years now I have been able to use this to not only get my kids to talk- but to break the ice with their friends(and if they get cocky school them relentlessly in a battle). I've found that gaming can be used as a parental tool in many different ways. Now my daughter and second oldest son aren't nearly as hardcore as my oldest and second youngest son, but they are still into it enough for me to use it as a way into their daily lives. As your kids get older, this will become increasingly important no matter how much you focus on keeping open communications with your children- it is natural for them to try and prove they can do everything without any help for you. It's also very nice to be able to have them cover your @ss with cover fire playing Halo so you can roll behind that hunter and hit him where it counts :)

[Taco]

Hehe, awesome post Ben. Never realized there was so much strategy to be had in that situation, maybe I should apologize to my father for interruting his gaming when I shat my pants ;).

[zombiekiller13]

good advice, Ben. I've been managing my games better as of late...like I know not to pop in an RPG when my son is being grabby or sick, because those are the times when I'll be two hours into something with no opportunity to save in sight and he'll throw up everywhere.

and actually, if I need a gaming fix during these periods, I've been firing up my NES and popping something in like Super Mario Brothers or Gradius...a game I still enjoy playing after all these years but don't need to beat or save.

[Kelegacy]

Hehe, awesome post Ben. Never realized there was so much strategy to be had in that situation, maybe I should apologize to my father for interruting his gaming when I shat my pants ;).
He'll be interrupting YOUR gaming with his own shitting of the pants soon enough. Payback's a bitch. ;)

[Ridlin]

Like Ben said things change when they get older. I've got a 13yr old and we drive my wife nuts talking about combo's in Ninja gaiden or the latest things he's done in AOE III.

What will surprise you when they get older is how their tastes will differ from yours. All their lives you've been showing them games you thought were good or good for them and suddenly you find them playing a game you think is crap and loving it. We've flat out dissagreed on many games, and I find myself buying even more titles now because I'm picking up ones for him and different ones for myself.

And kudos on it keeping the communication line open, I couldn't agree more! Very true, but there's the "he's playing games too much" problem that hits every parent I know. They all regulate the amount of time their kids get to game and I understand all of that.

But my son will be gaming away and my wife will come up and ask me to tell him to stop, he's been playing for hours.

Man, I have the hardest time doing that. I remember HATING when my parents would do that to me, but that's what parenting is all about I guess.

[AversionFX]

My dad raised me on Zelda, Rygar, Metroid and Kid Icarus when I was around 4 or 5 and then graduated me to Wolfenstein and Doom(anyone remember Blake Stone?). Also introduced me to the multiplayer world by playing Doom against him over a parallel cable.

Now the tide has turned and I introduce him to the new PC games out there, mostly FPS games.

Same here. Except I got raised on Metroid, Mission Impossible, Contra and Metal Gear. I used to watch him play Ultima 6 for hours way back. My dad's the kinda guy who doesn't take video games really seriously. He gets a kick out of the ridiculous amounts of violence.

The whole "parents as gamers," reminds me of teaching a kid to ride a bike. You hold his/her hand until he gets the gist of how to do it himself, and then you let him/her try it on their own. I mean, that should be obvious, but hey, this is the world of gaming.

I'll definitely be raising my kids on videogames. People always say gamers are zombies with no lives, but when I hit the parenting age, I'd rather have my kids indoors playing video games, instead of doing who-knows-what out of my sight.

[lpmiller]

I'm so that gaming Dad. My daughter's only 2 1/2 and she's already showing keen interest in my games. She doesn't have the ability to really play them at this point, but I'm sure it won't be long.

The article brings up good points, though. It will be important to let her play games by herself sometimes instead of always playing with me. That's going to be tough for me. :)


This actually gets easier when they get older, especially when they want to play super monkey ball for the 1,000th time.

The DS is great, since my daughter and I both have one and play mario kart all the time. Plus I picked up Guitar Hero for xmas, which I know we'll both dig on.

As for RPG's - when she got old enough, she'd love to just watch me play for the stories, though the constant questions could get annoying.

Now though, with a 9 year old and a 2 year old, I find that any serious console gaming is done after the youngest is in bed, just because she's so darn grabby. But I can PC game just fine - quick saves and pausing are a gaming dad's best friend. So I totally agree with the lack of quick saving being an irritation. It's one thing when you are a young single guy with little to no life. But I dont' play games for the challange any more, I play to relax and have fun, and part of that is being able to quit when the vomit gun goes off.

[Rirath]

Back in the day, I could spend hours burning through a game without saving, but now, there always the chance that my son wants to color or accidentally spills something, requiring me to save my game and end it for the day. ... I don't mind a difficult game...just don't make me pull my hair out just because I want to save my game whenever I need to.

Kelegacy has a point. I'm a caretaker full time (sadly = 24/7), and whenever I'm needed, it's right away. "One more battle before the savepoint" just doesn't work. My advice is to use the same technique I used "back in the day" when games didn't have save points: Pause the machine (or find a safe, static area) and turn off the TV. Sure, it's not exactly prime on your new 360, but I assume the disc stops spinning sooner or later and shouldn't do too much damage in the long run. I used to leave games like Super Mario Bros. on pause for days for school, homework, etc.

Of course, this is most annoying in games with cutscenes and no pause. ALL CUTSCENES SHOULD HAVE PAUSE. And you know what would solve this whole mess? The ability to put a console into an instant sleep mode like you can with the PSP and DS! Oh how I'd like to see that.

[Spigot]

My little guy (only 18 months) loves to listen to the music and often dances to the stuff in Guitar Hero or DQ8... sadly, he also gets tangled in the cords for the guitar controller and yanked the PS2 off the entertainment unit, thusly ending that little diversion.

So far he is really interested in the cartoony graphics of DQVIII and WoW. He also has his own 'wireless' controller... I cut the cord off of an old Sidewinder and he will crawl up on the couch and pretend he's playing with me. Unfortunately there aren't any analogue sticks on the Sidewinder and those are his favourite things to flick on the Xbox & PS2 controllers. Ah well.

I'm going to be interested to see what kind of games my guy will end up liking. Will he like the more sedate pace of an RPG? Is he going to be a twitch gamer? Will he appreciate those wierd niche games that I love? Well, he is only 18 months old so I've got some time to corrupt, er, guide him towards the 'good games'.

I do agree that there are a lot less hours in the day to play now. I used to work evenings all the time so I would have most of the day free to play games while my wife was at work. Now I might have an hour or two, tops, while the little guy is sleeping. Hence my inability to really play a lot of RPG's to completion.

[Axiom]

My oldest son is almost 3 and he really enjoys playing Golden Tee on my MAME machine, and Tiger Woods on the 360. He doesn't really understand exactly how to play, but knows how to swing using the 360 controller and get the ball into the hole. I watched him get an eagle and a birdie consecutively. :) He really enjoys playing as Daddy using the Tiger Woods create your golfer tools. I got it to look enough like me that he recognized the golfer as Daddy.

With the almost 3 year old and 11 month old twins, I don't get to play as much as I used to.

[Hagetaka]

Im only twenty, and while im not a father yet, and probably not anytime soon, I always get a kick out of playing video games with my oldest nephew (7 yrs old now). Hes still pretty young, but man, he suprises the hell out of me in games like Halo, Jak and Daxter, and some various racing games.

Id also like to mention something that I dont think has been directly stated, but rather, implied. Why is it that activist groups (for lack of a better term), consistantly fail to see the positive influence of video games, especially as a method of bonding between a father and son; And furthermore, as a legitiment way for a young child to find something in common with someone his age (aka fitting in)? I dont know about you guys, but I have learned quite a lot from video games. How many 9 year olds you know words like: dexterity, healing, agility, etc (no, thank you final fantasy).

[The Iron Weasel]

Worked out well, I've only murdered two people.

Wow I wasn't even raised on games and I've got a higher count then that.

[SaintArnold]

My 2 y.o. daughter is level 24 on Halo 2.

[Kelegacy]

I find something highly disturbing about a 4 year old playing Halo. I actually observed my small 2nd cousin (the son of my 1st cousin) playing the game and sometimes he'd just turn and shoot his squadmates in the face. He didn't do it because he is a child and stupid, he did it because he was bored and wanted to kill someone other than aliens. It disturbed me, and his 4 year old bloodlust is creepy.

Last weekend my cousin and her boyfriend took him to see King Kong and during the bug scene (the worm that eats the guy's head) he fucking freaked out and they had to haul him out of the theater screaming. What the hell is wrong with people, taking their child to see a movie like that? Really, some people should NOT be parents, and if they are, someone should come along and take their place. I have no problem with teenagers playing violent videogames, teens that are of an age that they know right from wrong, reality from virtual, but a 4 year old? Talk about impressionable.

I hope some of you are more responsible than that.

[Rirath]

King Kong I might agree with, simply because a THREE+ HOUR movie is way too much for a typical kid. That's a DVD rental with a pause button. But I don't really see the problem with Halo. As far as I'm concerned, it's all colorful and, dare I say it, cartoony. He probably didn't know they were his squadmates, nor care. It was a different color 'guy' to shoot at.

I honestly don't see it as much worse than Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny cartoons, whack-a-mole, or ZOMG... toy guns. Eesh, the number of times I imagined shooting my parents/friends/siblings/strangers in the face with a toy gun as a kid would have parental groups turn white in the face. Give a kid a nerf/suction cup gun and they'll have a good laugh, at the expense of anyone near. Halo didn't give the kid bloodlust, hours of Sesame Street probably did. :)

And seriously, has anyone ever really thought about all the disturbing and sometimes bordering on morbid lines/ideas in many of the classic stories/nursery rhymes, games, you name it? I mean, omg! ... Kids are tough.

[ezra]

anyone remember Blake Stone?


Blake stoooooooooone! Yes! I loved that game dearly. But those damn water monsters always got me - the ones the slid around on the ground or ceiling and then seemed to appear out of nowhere.

Oh the memories.

[Dirty Harry]

In the future there will be teams of counter strike players that are all family members, scary thought maybe?

[Rirath]

anyone remember Blake Stone?

Fondly, along with games like Catacomb Abyss, Raise of the Triad, and so forth.

[lpmiller]

I find something highly disturbing about a 4 year old playing Halo. I actually observed my small 2nd cousin (the son of my 1st cousin) playing the game and sometimes he'd just turn and shoot his squadmates in the face. He didn't do it because he is a child and stupid, he did it because he was bored and wanted to kill someone other than aliens. It disturbed me, and his 4 year old bloodlust is creepy.



Anyone under the age of 5 is actually psychotic. Toddlers are in fact the most evil creatures on the planet, and the most selfish. At least, at times. It seems creepy for a 4 year old to do that, but it's in fact fairly normal - good and evil are somewhat confusing when you are the center of your world view. It isn't until kids get older and can put action and reaction, cause and effect, together that they realize being bad causes bad things to happen.

[Frogleg Special]

Parents, shouldn't you teach your kids Math, BASIC, or your choice of foreign language instead of playing videogames (and I'm not joking)? I won't raise my kids as Bill Gates (no TV ever), but I won't give them weekdays videogame. Better to be a Nazi parent than seeing C-average report cards.

[BenSkywalker]

Parents, shouldn't you teach your kids Math, BASIC, or your choice of foreign language instead of playing videogames (and I'm not joking)?

My 10 year old can do whole number square and cube roots up to five digits off the top of his head- he has been handling basic algerbric equations since the age of four and is now getting into reasonably complex problems(working on trinomial factorization ATM). My wife is finishing her post graduate studies after which she will be working at the local College as a professor(she speaks four languages)- have I mentioned she is also a big gamer? BTW- To date only my oldest is getting grades on his report card(the new confidence building BS that took grades away from younger students is in effect in my area) and so far he has landed himself one B+, everything else has been straight A's.

Those who don't properly analyze developmental skills and exactly what the core elements of a good education are mistakenly assume that gaming is somehow detached from improved mental strength. Problem solving is the reason why we educate ourselves- even when looking at subjects such as foreign languages or history the basic element underlying both of those solving problems(learning what factors combined to lead people to the correct or wrong solutions and handling communication barriers respectively). Most decent games make you deal with problem solving and do so in a manner which forces the mind to think quickly and also to build mental 'reflexes' allowing you to realize under a certain set of circumstances a problem is likely to occur and you learn to take action before the problem is directly evident.

[Rirath]

Parents, shouldn't you teach your kids Math, BASIC, or your choice of foreign language instead of playing videogames

There are videogames that do each. Math Blaster and Number Muncher will always be a favorite of mine. There's also several language/vocab games out there. And as for BASIC... I remember a classic DOS game that I may never know the name of. It was my very first step into programming.

You started in this 3d world, amazing at the time. Everything was made out of very simply colored blocks, triangles, so forth. At any time, you could edit the world. Say there was a square building... you could pause the game, build a ramp to the roof, remove a wall, whatever. But as amazing as that was, you could also edit BASIC-like code on the fly. An example I remember is a robot with a key. He wouldn't give it to you, so you pause the game, edit his code, and poof -- you get the key when you talk to him.

I have no idea what the point of the game actually was, I was probably under 10 at the time, but when an uncle saw me play this game for the first time, pull up the code screen, and change some variables around, he looked surprised and said "Do you know you're programming?" I knew I was changing the workings to meet my goals, I didn't know it was programming per say... I was just playing the game. From there I learned QBasic, and went into programming.

[Spigot]

I saw a few people bringing in little kids to King Kong last night. I was ready for an evening of incessant yapping and annoying cries during the movie. Sadly, it was a few teenagers sitting across the aisle from me who decided to start up an 'outdoor voice' conversation about midway through (thankfully someone else got up and told them to shut up before I had to go put my social work restraint skills to work).

That said, the best part of the movie was when Kong fell off the Empire State Building and this kid at the front piped up, in this silent movie theatre, "Uh oh...." It was hilarious.

Anyway, back on track. I agree. I wouldn't bring a kid to King Kong more because it's 3 hours long than because it's got the nasty bugs and stuff. My friend couldn't stand the insect parts but he just has an issue with bugs. I, on the other hand, loved those parts but I also have a basement full of insects that I have trapped and mounted (hooray for amateur entomology!). It's all a matter of taste.

My little guy would probably love King Kong, though he's way too small to sit through something that long at this point in his life.

I also agree with kids under 4 being evil. Not evil, actually, but the most selfish people in the world outside of Wall Street and Hollywood :) It's all about them at this stage of life.

I would have no problem with my little guy playing Halo though I would make sure he plays while I watch. I'd definately try to foster a love of games that DON'T depend on gibbing things. I grew up playing everything from Adventure to Mountain Climber on my TI 99/4A to Wolfenstein to the NES library. My parents NEVER had a clue as to what I was playing so I just played whatever was new and looked neat.

That said, given the heightened realism of games these days, I can understand the need for more involvement in monitoring the games your kids play, just like the way parents should monitor the movies you kids watch. Sure, they'll see the odd R-rated movie before they probably should, just like they'll now play the odd M-rated game. That's ok. It's only when it's a steady diet of inappropriate content and there's no feedback from the parents as to why it might not be appropriate that I, personally, think that problems arise.

But what do I know? My guy's only 18 months old (today!) and for all my blather I'm sure he'll find some way to completely disprove every intellectual arguement I've ever made.

[Taco]

Parents, shouldn't you teach your kids Math, BASIC, or your choice of foreign language instead of playing videogames (and I'm not joking)? I won't raise my kids as Bill Gates (no TV ever), but I won't give them weekdays videogame. Better to be a Nazi parent than seeing C-average report cards.

Give me a fucking break. No it's not better to be a "Nazi" parent and raise a miserable kid with A's on their report card. You can balance things and accomplish both, I hope you lose your sack before you can spawn.