Q: Virtual adultery, is it real?

[Dirty Harry]

A: Apparently so.

Women have been hiring online detectives to determine if their spouse's online game character is committing online adultery with other online game characters.

Keyboard lust: An official monitor in the online role-playing game Second Life told BBC News in April that he knows of spouses of game players who have actually paid money to online-game detectives to learn whether their mates are committing ''virtual adultery'' with other players' characters in the course of the game. (Second Life encourages players to create a character and live out a made-up existence, which can of course include having an affair with another player's made-up character.)
Click here for original story (http://www.sltrib.com/nationworld/ci_2943321)

All i know is my Lvl 69 wizard casts Lvl 8 of erecting *snicker*

[Heretic Machine]

So text on a screen is now considered adultery...? Hey, if a married man writes an erotic novel, is he considered to be commiting adultery with the fictional characters of his book?

[Savok]

It's called roleplaying. Jesus.

[Librum]

Well, if it was repeated, romantic phone conversations between your spouse and their lover, would you just laugh that off if they told you they were only roleplaying?

Or what if you found a cache of steamy love letters - would you buy that excuse, that it was only them engaging in interactive fiction?

It doesn't rise to the level of finding them in bed with someone else, but I'll definitely call it what it is, a form of cheating. Sounds like PIs are opening up a whole new field.

[Heretic Machine]

Well, if it was repeated, romantic phone conversations between your spouse and their lover, would you just laugh that off if they told you they were only roleplaying?

If it was my spouse and her LOVER (as in, not me) then I'd have a problem. If it was just some guy, and I thought I could trust her to keep it to phone conversations, no I wouldn't be bothered by it.

[Deadend]

I have been waiting forever for this page (http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm) to become related to events.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

[Savok]

At this point I should probably state that I once married a chick online within 20 seconds of meeting her (I proposed, she said yes), we have had/had a "relationship" for years, we got some good laughs from it. Her boyfriend at the time now fiance, really couldn't give a shit. It's all about trust.

[Librum]

Well, let's be clear what we're talking about here. This isn't about getting married in, say, EQ where the game is all about killing monsters and raking in xp and loot, and you just flippantly decide to marry some female toon that you're friends with and might occasionally trade a /hug or a /kiss.

The OP mentioned Second Life, which is really just a big graphical chat world that is highly focused on social interaction, and where people can and do conduct very serious relationships. Trust is what it's all about, yes, and I would wonder about the trust between a couple if one of them is spending time getting romantically and emotionally involved with a third party on a regular basis, virtually or not. See my above examples.

[Oblivion]

At this point I should probably state that I once married a chick online within 20 seconds of meeting her (I proposed, she said yes), we have had/had a "relationship" for years, we got some good laughs from it. Her boyfriend at the time now fiance, really couldn't give a shit. It's all about trust.

you have mad online-hooking-up-with-chicks-skillz man!

[MasterKwan]

Basically, I had this discussion with my wife some time ago. Me looking at porn or paying for porn sites is all ok (as long as the kids don't get at it). Interacting with another person though, pretending to have sex with them either on the phone or IM is a no-no. It's the other person part that pushed it over the edge.

You're basically cheating in your head though you're not doing it physically. I have no problem with her opinion. I know it would bug her so I don't do it (it was just a passing phase anyway).

[Kefkataran]

See, Kwan has the right idea. It's all about TALKING with your partner and deciding what's right for both of you. That's what matters in a relationship. Some people might consider this cheating, some might not, and both views are viable, you just need to make sure to discuss them and understand.

[Mrbunchypants]

For me its what can I do around my GF. I can flirt and thats it. so thats all i do it game. That and just be a jask ass. :D

If you play wow try /nosepick

[Bushido]

Oh Noes! Thought Crime!

[Savok]

you have mad online-hooking-up-with-chicks-skillz man!
The secret is the overwhelming sense of pity they feel for me.

[Heretic Machine]

Personally, I would never get involved with a woman that is so distrustful of me that my online sex-fests become a concern for her.

[davethemad]

The tavern smelled strongly of oger and the glasses were only washed once a fortnight. But the bartender owed me big time for some work I did regarding his sister and a now-deceased half-orc a while back so I never had to pay for a drink which helped get me over a lot of my distaste for the atmosphere of the joint. I had just ordered another drink when she walked in.

N00bs are always easy to spot, not just because of their pitiful equipment but also because they don't know the customs of the web or of the game. Put n00bs in +5 black dragon scale armor and most vets could still pick them out.

This chick was definitely a n00b.

One that most guys wouldn't bother with. More of a hinderance than a help in a fight. Hell, she probably couldn't even handle a decent net-sex session. In fact, she usually wouldn't have been able to find this place on her own if not for the instructons I left her. She was here to see me.

She was my client.

Word on the street was that her husband had hooked up with some Level 9 Elf Ranger over on WOW and the lady took offense to that. It was my job to see if there was any truth to the rumors.

Most folks would have turned up their nose at this sort of job but her gold was good and, to be honest, I hate to see a good woman done bad.

"Heya Dollface," I called out as I slid off my stool and walked toward her. "I'm the guy you're looking for. Name's Spade. Sam_Spade_RULEZ_4EVA!!!!! and I think we can help each other out."

[Bone]

dave is the winner!

[H.Bogard]

i feel the need to remind everyone that its the game`s CHARACTERS that are having affairs...its not like the players are playing real-life grabass or something.

Besides, the game is called SECOND LIFE damnit!

[Kefkataran]

I sense a lack of responsibility filling up the online air.

[RandomViolence]

i feel the need to remind everyone that its the game`s CHARACTERS that are having affairs...its not like the players are playing real-life grabass or something.

Besides, the game is called SECOND LIFE damnit!

Hmmm, let's see how this plays out in a skit.

Man: Hon, it wasn't me! It was my character cyber-screwing that woman, don't you see? I didn't want to, really! It was just the character having luscious polygon sex!

Woman: So, when you typed those words, typed '/fuck Arwen6969,' you're telling me it was your character, not you?

Man: Exactly! Oh, I'm so glad that you see my side of things, hon.

*BLAM*

Man gets shotgun blast to the face. His Second and First lives are now officially over.

[Mrbunchypants]

You paint a poor picture RandomViolence. however I get your point. There is a flaw there that i feel i must point out. most MMO's have pvp. that mean that you kill there CHARACTER in the game. so by what your saying is that i and everyone else that has killed some one in a game should go to jail. or atleast be punished by what we have done in the game. Cybering in game is one thing. takeing it out is another.
It's like your parter pleaseing them self when your not around. does that count as cheating?

[XxSATANxX]

Holy F*CK this is a messed up thread.

[RandomViolence]

You paint a poor picture RandomViolence. however I get your point. There is a flaw there that i feel i must point out. most MMO's have pvp. that mean that you kill there CHARACTER in the game. so by what your saying is that i and everyone else that has killed some one in a game should go to jail. or atleast be punished by what we have done in the game. Cybering in game is one thing. takeing it out is another.
It's like your parter pleaseing them self when your not around. does that count as cheating?

Perhaps my example was a bit crude.

It's not your partner pleasuring themself alone. It's a shared experience. It's the mental act that makes this different from virtual killing. There's a level of intimacy associated with cybering that isn't in, say, Counter-Strike. Virtually killing someone is fine, as it's a game and it's part of the agreed upon rules and objectives. Virtual sex I see as being quite different that virtual killing. In CS, you know you're killing a virtual representation of someone. In cybering, there's not that level of insulation. You're interacting with a human being on a direct level, whether you do it in a virtual world or the real one (pun intended).

I'd equate playing dating sims or those weird hentai games to masturbating, but I think cybering is a step beyond that.

[kickmybum]

Well, let's be clear what we're talking about here. This isn't about getting married in, say, EQ where the game is all about killing monsters and raking in xp and loot, and you just flippantly decide to marry some female toon that you're friends with and might occasionally trade a /hug or a /kiss.

The OP mentioned Second Life, which is really just a big graphical chat world that is highly focused on social interaction, and where people can and do conduct very serious relationships. Trust is what it's all about, yes, and I would wonder about the trust between a couple if one of them is spending time getting romantically and emotionally involved with a third party on a regular basis, virtually or not. See my above examples.

Unless there's a /squeezeboobs or a /doggystyle command in Second Life that I don't know about, then I don't consider Second Life to be any different than EQ.

[DeadPixel]

I almost always play female characters. Two major benefits to that,

1. I get to look at a woman's behind, wearing the sexy armor I picked up.
2. I get free stuff in almost every MMO I've played. People are just nicer to you, they invite you to groups even when you don't fit in. They give you handdowns, they take you around.

Sure I get the occasional "are you m or f in RL?" question, but I just don't reply to those. They usually stop asking, probably assuming I'm a guy because most are.

[Heretic Machine]

It's not your partner pleasuring themself alone. It's a shared experience. It's the mental act that makes this different from virtual killing. There's a level of intimacy associated with cybering that isn't in, say, Counter-Strike. Virtually killing someone is fine, as it's a game and it's part of the agreed upon rules and objectives. Virtual sex I see as being quite different that virtual killing. In CS, you know you're killing a virtual representation of someone. In cybering, there's not that level of insulation. You're interacting with a human being on a direct level, whether you do it in a virtual world or the real one (pun intended).

Well, as someone who has been a part of the online sex scene for quite a while, I have to say that this is bullshit. The only people who put actual feelings into this stuff are people that are already unhappy with their real world lives. Now, if someone is that unhappy with their life, and their partner, the game and the cybering isn't the problem.

I think some people just don't understand how a relationship is supposed to work at all, hence the massive divorce rate.

[OUX]

How is it that they get introuble for "cheating online" whe I kill wolves everyday on WoW and PETA never sent me a death threat or anything? Worst than that I've killed like a 1000 f**king people on Halo

[XxSATANxX]

I almost always play female characters. Two major benefits to that

Okay Virtual adultery suddenly dropped like a thousand points in cool things to do online.

[Librum]

Well, as someone who has been a part of the online sex scene for quite a while, I have to say that this is bullshit. The only people who put actual feelings into this stuff are people that are already unhappy with their real world lives. Now, if someone is that unhappy with their life, and their partner, the game and the cybering isn't the problem.

I think some people just don't understand how a relationship is supposed to work at all, hence the massive divorce rate.

Generally people who are happy with their relationships don't cheat on their spouses, so I don't think that's the question. People put 'feelings' into these online relationships because that's all they can put into them, short of turning them into full-fledged RL affairs.

It again gets back to the emotional investment with another person - relationships are more than just what you do on a physical level, at least, most relationships are. Certainly, some couples have radically different views on sharing themselves with others, but by and large most men and women just aren't going to be happy that their supposed partners are spending their free time romantically involved with someone else.

Saying that it's 'just the characters doing it' is like saying that you're just talking dirty to the phone, or just writing dirty letters to the mailbox. If text isn't enough, what if they were chatting on a TS server and looking at each other through webcams? Why all these special requirements for what sounds like a huge attempt to abdicate personal responsibility?

I have to say the responses I've seen so far have been most...telling.

[RandomViolence]

How is it that they get introuble for "cheating online" whe I kill wolves everyday on WoW and PETA never sent me a death threat or anything? Worst than that I've killed like a 1000 f**king people on Halo

Thank you for contributing to the discussion...

Simply stunning.

[Justin_McElroy]

Well, anyone want to write a joke for me? The punchline is "The Greaves of Infinite Pleasing"

[Dirty Harry]

Generally people who are happy with their relationships don't cheat on their spouses, so I don't think that's the question. People put 'feelings' into these online relationships because that's all they can put into them, short of turning them into full-fledged RL affairs.

It again gets back to the emotional investment with another person - relationships are more than just what you do on a physical level, at least, most relationships are. Certainly, some couples have radically different views on sharing themselves with others, but by and large most men and women just aren't going to be happy that their supposed partners are spending their free time romantically involved with someone else.

Saying that it's 'just the characters doing it' is like saying that you're just talking dirty to the phone, or just writing dirty letters to the mailbox. If text isn't enough, what if they were chatting on a TS server and looking at each other through webcams? Why all these special requirements for what sounds like a huge attempt to abdicate personal responsibility?

I have to say the responses I've seen so far have been most...telling.
I can say ive done all of these and i have to say that i do consider it cheating, on my own behalf. I can say though that text based "cybersex" is very boring i feel, where as webcam voice well thats just damn like phonesex but you can see your partner.

[Kefkataran]

Well, as someone who has been a part of the online sex scene for quite a while

Er, is that something you honestly want to be admitting to on EvAv?

I think some people just don't understand how a relationship is supposed to work at all, hence the massive divorce rate.

I agree with you there for the most part and must once again reiterate my point that it's all about communication and understand what you're okay with and what you're partner is okay with. The only reason to really feel guilt for this and have it be anything akin to cheating is if you know your partner wouldn't like it and/or you're hiding it from them in a stupid, suspicious manner.

[Heretic Machine]

Er, is that something you honestly want to be admitting to on EvAv?

You should see the character I play :)

The only reason to really feel guilt for this and have it be anything akin to cheating is if you know your partner wouldn't like it and/or you're hiding it from them in a stupid, suspicious manner

Agreed, you shouldn't hide it from your partner, definetly not if you think they'd have a problem with it. My main point is that they shouldn't have a problem with it, but that's not always the case. Personally though, I wouldn't get involved with someone who did have a problem with it, even if I had no plans on ever doing it again. Just seems immature and paranoid.

[Heretic Machine]

Saying that it's 'just the characters doing it' is like saying that you're just talking dirty to the phone, or just writing dirty letters to the mailbox. If text isn't enough, what if they were chatting on a TS server and looking at each other through webcams? Why all these special requirements for what sounds like a huge attempt to abdicate personal responsibility?


Well, first of all, webcams are a whole different mess. That's akin to your partner starring in a porno, and I probably would have a problem with it. But when I'm in some erotic RP, it's really not me, it's the character. It's WAY closer to reading a story than having sex.

[Kefkataran]

My main point is that they shouldn't have a problem with it, but that's not always the case. Personally though, I wouldn't get involved with someone who did have a problem with it, even if I had no plans on ever doing it again. Just seems immature and paranoid.

And that's fine. It's just obviously not the case with others. Personally, my girlfriend and I are far more open about our relationship than probably a very large majority of other people would be comfortable with, so it's not a big deal to me.

[kid cabelgo]

Oh, just gotta quote my favorite bloodninja chat...

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

[OUX]

Thank you for contributing to the discussion...

Simply stunning.


Sorry I bring nothing to the table....

[Rommel]

Hey guys! I just logged in and wanted to see what all the other EvAv regulars were... talking... about...
...
...
I like watching people die afterward.
...
...
Since we're admitting stuff.

[a_the_est]

I think a good rule of thumb for this sort of thing is: if you felt the need to keep it secret from your spouse, it's cheating.

If I was going to engage in this sort of thing for kicks or role-playing, I would definitely discuss it with my wife to make sure it's clear what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

Here (http://www.alwaysblack.com/blackbox/possessingbarbie.html) is the best article I've ever read on the subject.

[Subbacultcha]

I can say ive done all of these and i have to say that i do consider it cheating, on my own behalf. I can say though that text based "cybersex" is very boring i feel, where as webcam voice well thats just damn like phonesex but you can see your partner.

I guess you call yourself 'Dirty Harry' for a good reason... /joking