Kane Reviews "Kane and Lynch"

[bapenguin]

Unscripted 360 (http://www.unscripted360.com/2007/11/28/kane-lynch-dead-men-review/) has a unique review up of Kane and Lynch: Dead Men for the Xbox 360. The review is written as if the in game character Kane was writing it. They forced my hand. I have to live with no remorse now. I am a mercenary. I am killer. I must do what is necessary for her protection. I have to save my daughter. I am forced to hunt down The7 with all that I have in me. Nothing will stop me. No one will be able to hide. I will not rest until the job is done or I die. Nothing else matters except her. With these hands and these guns, I will fight and kill.

Who am I? I am Kane. This is my f***ing review on what it’s like being me.

I really dig this, something totally fresh. While it's not something I think should be done for every review, it's an interesting twist.

[Vermillion]

Bap finds pseudo 1st person reviews interesting? Personally, I thought it was a weak review where all he did outside of the first paragraph was replace "The character" with "I" and added in a couple swear words to give it that "edge".

[KingGorilla]

http://blogs.dasmirnov.net/media/users/paul/kane.jpg

There is only one REAL Kane.

[bKangy]

Yeah, I thought it was a weak review too, covered up the fact it had very little "content" with a lot of the 1st person stuff. Plus the site needed me to log in to XBL before it'd stop being weird.

[Beelzebud]

Is that a review or an advertisement?

[GodFather]

Did anyone play this game? If so what did they think, a purchase? rental? Or neither?

[randir14]

Did anyone play this game? If so what did they think, a purchase? rental? Or neither?

I played it, it's only worth a rental. The graphics and story are nice but the gameplay is pretty lame. The game is also short as hell, I beat it in like 5 hours.

[Sandman]

http://blogs.dasmirnov.net/media/users/paul/kane.jpg

There is only one REAL Kane.

I think you may be wrong there.

http://www.best-horror-movies.com/images/see-no-evil-kane-with-chain-small.jpg

[handsalad]

This game sucks and all the hype around it is just that, hype. It is short for a $60 game and the gameplay is really awkward. The AI was also borderline mentally retarded at times.

[Ultima Thulian]

These kind of reviews aren't fresh and have been done dozens of times before. They are almost always amateurish and weak. This is not an exception.

I had a lot of hope for the game, and I have yet to play. But most reviews point it out as just above average. Bummer. :(

[The Continental]

This game sucks and all the hype around it is just that, hype. It is short for a $60 game and the gameplay is really awkward. The AI was also borderline mentally retarded at times. Yup. It has all the clunk factor of a Hitman game but the shortcomings of the Glacier engine are that much more apparent due to constant action and sheer amount of enemies on screen at any given time.

It's a rental without a doubt.

[Purple Santa]

I rented it. I'm not even sure it's worth renting...a big "meh" in my opinion...

[bean19]

I have this through Gamefly right now and I'm not impressed. It gets a 6.5 overall

-Voice-acting and story are pretty good.
-Weapons work okay, but they are extremely standard. . . it's all been done before. Gameplay is all take cover and shoot except for a shoot-while-getting-away sequence.
-Grenades are far too bouncy. Are they made of metal or rubber?
-Character art is impressive, as are many of the levels - particularly the Tokyo night club scene.
-There is a boss battle that tasks you with taking out a driver of a huge dump truck before he runs over your daughter who is hiding in a hole. However, I'm not certain what, is killing the daughter. . . the truck doesn't hit you while in the hole and you can take out all the guys who are shooting. However, sometimes she'll just die when the truck goes over her. Escort missions that do not make any sense are absolutely terrible. This shaves a good point off the score that would otherwise make this a good rental shooter.

I haven't played online yet, so this really isn't a mini-review, but just my impressions up to level 7 (where I am stuck. . . the daughter dies literally on the first or second pass of the trucj EVERY time. . . not sure why she doesn't die on the first pass every time. I can kill all of the people except the driver (behind bullet-resistant glass) before the first pass is made. She always dies on the second pass though even with all shooters gone. Retarded boss fight. I'll probably send it back tomorrow. I can't believe this made it out of testing.

[lost]

Games pretty crap to be honest.

Hitman always had its fair share of flaws but it was ingenius and fun enough for you to see past them and play a great game.

Kane and Lynch should have come out about 8 years ago and even then it would have been a pretty fucking shady attempt at a shooter even then.

Cover system that doesnt work, poorly designed levels, poorly explained plot, dull presentation and above all a poor attempt at a shooter engine.

Oh, and was I the only one who thought it wouldn't go all pretendy military shooter and dump my ass in Havana. I wanted urban environments.

As for the truck guy, ignore everybody else just keep firing at the window and on the millionth attempt you'll get lucky. You'd be better off getting rid of it to be honest.

[Deadend]

Damn, reading that review was Payneful.

[Adam Blue]

I think you may be wrong there.

http://www.best-horror-movies.com/images/see-no-evil-kane-with-chain-small.jpg

lol. That's cute.

[jacktion]

Man, that "review" if you can call it that, is pretty bad. It is like some high schooler thought it would be a good idea to add a bunch of swear words in and talk tough and that would be "cool".

[Variable Gear]

Is that a review or an advertisement?

Both. :p

10charactersisnotenoughraisetheminmumto9000now.

[Kefkataran]

It's an interesting idea for a review, but dude didn't handle it that well. I'd be curious to see what more talented writers could do with that same concept, though. It could potentially work for the right game.

[DeaconBlade]

it really isn't necessary for any review to span more than 1-2 pages. i can generally voice my opinion well before 6 pages into something.

i figured with this game since so much had been made about the language, that i'd try to paint a picture of how the game should be played....which is through the eyes of a mercenary.

would you expect a mercenary to be cute and cuddly with his language or how about a psychopath? surely i wouldn't.

too many reviews decided to blast the game as if they missed that concept. it's a mature rated title about killers. how could you not expect foul language ya know like so many reviewers blasted it for having.

i wanted to do this game differently really just to prove a point to those who made such a big deal about the language. i pointed out nothing different really "gameplay wise" than others. it has its issues for sure. i just did it a different way through the eyes of one of the characters..or at least my interpretation of it.

i've gotten 99% positive responses about the way in which i handled the review. it was different and fun for most. except obviously the 1% here lol. :p

but it's cool...you can't please them all and really i wasn't trying...i was just writing what i thought of the game in a different way.

i appreciate you for posting it up BA. he and i are fellow Xbox MVPs and i figured i'd stop by to wave at all the great things you guys are saying ;).

j/k seriously...i appreciate the feedback...i'm one that can take it all good or bad...it's all helpful in one way or the other.

however, i will challenge those of you who felt you could do something better from the eyes of Kane. write it. let me read it. i may work with BA and Evil Avatar on providing something for the best review from Kane's eyes. :)

it's easy to critique but not so easy to try and do better. so hey, feel free those of you saying that you could.

[Kefkataran]

however, i will challenge those of you who felt you could do something better from the eyes of Kane. write it. let me read it. i may work with BA and Evil Avatar on providing something for the best review from Kane's eyes. :)

it's easy to critique but not so easy to try and do better. so hey, feel free those of you saying that you could.

Hey there, I'm really glad to see you joining in the discussion of this! As a reviewer who tried to do so myself, I always appreciate when other reviewers are willing to confront and open up dialogue on their criticism rather than just ignore it.

I might have to take you up on that challenge eventually. :)

[DeaconBlade]

no sweat Kef. i don't mind at all mixing it up. i'm not a robot reviewer like most mass media types are ya know :)

i got a good laugh in fact out of some of the comments. it's cool. doesn't bother me at all. i'll see if we can snag Eidos in on it if this "challenge" materializes ya know.

would be fun if nothing else though to read some of them.

[Kefkataran]

no sweat Kef. i don't mind at all mixing it up. i'm not a robot reviewer like most mass media types are ya know :)

i got a good laugh in fact out of some of the comments. it's cool. doesn't bother me at all. i'll see if we can snag Eidos in on it if this "challenge" materializes ya know.

would be fun if nothing else though to read some of them.

Feel free to hit me up on AIM (KefkaGehstahl) if you ever want to chat about writing reviews. Always up for talking with others who write.

[DeaconBlade]

excellent. *thumbs up* i'll fire up the old AIM and add ya.

[bean19]

Can you explain to me why the daughter is dying in the dump-truck battle? I know that is going a bit high up on the chain for a gameplay hint *lol*, but FFS, I have played that level about 35 times and I can't tell how to save her or what is killing her. I was having a decently good time with the game (the combat is too standard to wow me on it's own, but the narrative was good enough to keep me playing and I was becoming genuinely fond of Lynch despite his. . . choices, which was great for a character that SHOULD be annoying). However, this one boss encounter is completely ruining the title for me.

[DeaconBlade]

that particular sequence puzzled me too bean. she's actually being run over although the animation would argue the truck never touched her lol

still, all you have to do is just keep shooting at the driver/window. when the diesel first passes over you, run up and just start firing away (after killing that one guy on the back ofcourse)...just keep shooting the window. eventually you'll hit the driver.