Dungeon Siege Movie Announced

[Dr.Finger]

Zap2It (http://www.zap2it.com/movies/news/story/0,1259,---26161,00.html)

Looks like Uwe Boll is at it again this time with Dungeon Siege, a decent game with no discernable story. Every other video game movie he did was killed by the public, and I have no reason to believe this one will be any different.

The film, set to begin production in Vancouver next week and will star Jason Statham ("Cellular"), Leelee Sobieski ("The Glass House"), Ron Perlman ("Hellboy"), Kristanna Loken ("Terminator 3" and "BloodRayne"), Matthew Lillard ("Without a Paddle") and Burt Reynolds ("Deliverance")

[Deathbane27]

I just hope his new piles of steaming shit come out AFTER the Halo movie. Otherwise it'll be ignored as "another crappy videogame movie" thanks to this clown.

[Justin_McElroy]

Matthew Lillard: You deserve that and more.
Ron Perlman: You get your paycheck you delicious brute, GET IT!
Kristanna Loken: Dear, being in a Uwe Bowl moving is like registering for Selective Services. You only have to do it once.
Burt Reynolds: Why must you break my heart?
Leelee Sobieski: Oh, I'll miss you most of all. Poor little angel, please soar away from this movie. Soar away with gossamer wings!

[Cha-Ka]

I'm sorry to see Ron Pearlman needs to stoop this low after he finally snagged a leading role in Hellboy. Oh well. It's a living, I suppose.

[Pumped'Up]

The cast even sucks! Its a bunch of has-beens (except for Perlman). Wow, didn't think this flick could get any worse after reading the headline to this thread.

[Scaryboy]

You want worse? YOU WANT WORSE!? He's got a budget of $60 million to make this!

[CaptStu]

More bad news ... He's also doing Far Cry.

[Chagrinful]

So we've got a movie with a director with no talent, ugly horrid actors based on a simplistic game with no story? Well you know what that means! BLOCKBUSTER!!!!
Why do they even allow Uwe Boll to watch movies anymore? Shouldn't they yank out his eyes and tounge for all his atrocities, hmmm maybe then he'd make a good movie?

[Gitaroomaan]

Give the guy props, he somehow figured out how to get someone to give him a $60 Million budget. That's impressive.

And sad.

[Redline]

Oh God. Leelee Sobieski what are you DOING? Jeebus. Stear clear of this man for the love of your career.

[Vorphalack]

As if Bloodrayne wasn't the end of it already.....Kristanna Loken just agreed to the end of her career with this one. 2 in a row, woman? What are you thinking!!! And Ron Pearlman? Come on, man...you can do so much better.

Anyways...about the movie itself. I am sure the movie will take place in the post apocalyptic future, because as we all know...none of his movies can actually be like the source content.

How does this freak get real actors to be in his movies, dammit?

-V

[if76]

The cast even sucks! Its a bunch of has-beens (except for Perlman). Wow, didn't think this flick could get any worse after reading the headline to this thread.

The only one of these actors that comes close to be considered a hasbeen is Reynolds. Statham has had starring roles in a lot of recent popular movies and Loken was never famous enough in the first place to be called a hasbeen.

[Grimgrock]

Leelee Sobieski is a decent actress. If you've see The Glass House, that is a good example. Also, Joy Ride. Both movies you might have dismissed as formulatic trash but they are actually pretty decent.

[thecrazyd]

Hah. Beautiful. I'm gonna enjoying seeing this pile.

[Pnikosis]

Uwe Boll is still making movies, someone is still producing his films, there are good actors available for his movies... I don't understand the universe anymore.

[motor]

You know what Uwe Boll always says, "8th time's the charm!"

[Paltry]

Dis shits gonna be da bomb yo! Fuckin Burt Reynolds in chainmail fighting orc zombies escaped from a secret government installation! YAH! YAH!

[Dr.Finger]

You know why Uwe Boll keeps doing these movies?

1. He doesn't have to come up with story, characters or settings, so 60% of the script is already done.

2. He goes to a movie studio and says "I'll make a movie for $15M that will make at least $35M and I'll do it quickly, easily and stay on budget.

It doesn't matter of the movies suck, they ALWAYS make the studio a profit, usually while still in the theaters. That's why he gets to keep doing these garbage flicks.

[Goronmon]

I just hope his new piles of steaming shit come out AFTER the Halo movie. Otherwise it'll be ignored as "another crappy videogame movie" thanks to this clown.
Same here.

[Crabby]

What the unholy hell are any of these actors doing anywhere near this project?

[Savok]

I think it's time to invade Germany again, all we've got from them post-WW2 is a film about lesbian vampire nuns, and that had a lot of Austrians.

[Deadend]

His movies make a profit?

Ok, there is my proof that there is no god and americans are too stupid for democracy to work.

[DeadPixel]

Kristanna Loken has probably never been in the same room with a video game console or a computer running a video game.

[Justin_McElroy]

In order for him to net a profit from this film, he'd have to make more money than Kicking and Screaming or Cinderella Man. Which will not happen. This might be the silver bullet that brings him down.

[protojack]

Hah. Beautiful. I'm gonna enjoying seeing this pile.

I think this is why he keeps getting opportunities to direct. His movies are so AMAZINGLY bad that people show up just to laugh at them. Just enough people show up to make a profit, which makes the movie successful.

I've heard from a number of friends that House of the Dead was so bad that it was worth buying the DVD just to show it to other people. It's like Showgirls.

No, Mathew Lillard! Say it aint so, Cereal Killer! Stay away from this movie!

[Kyle Jones]

And that was the moment that the prospect for really awesome future videogame movies was shot down by one man...

Sad too, I actually liked Dungeon Siege.

[emperordahc]

2. He goes to a movie studio and says "I'll make a movie for $15M that will make at least $35M and I'll do it quickly, easily and stay on budget.

Not quite. Alone in the Dark only made $5,132,655 in the theatre and $630,000 from rentals. House of the Dead made $10,199,354 in the theatre and $860,000 in rentals. That looks like loosing money to me.

So WHY are they hiring him, again?

[LilEvilFish]

So WHY are they hiring him, again?

So they can make the game of the film of the game that wasn't very good in the first place.

Lets all get excited for Far Cry I vote Dolph Lundgren for the lead :D but since it has nothing to do with the game.. Britney Spears for the lead! Stealthily taking on a network of .. well it can't be islands since that's too much like the game.. planets! She has to infilitrate.. scratch that.. visit! the planets and find secret plans... get her hair done!

Far Cry the movie starring britney spears. :D

oh fuck off.

[Pnikosis]

1. He doesn't have to come up with story, characters or settings, so 60% of the script is already done.

I have to disagree... the script of Alone in the Dark OBVIOUSLY wasn't based on the videogame.

[Racknahm]

I dunno if anyone has read this on Something Awful, but it's about a first time scriptwriter working with Uwe Boll on Alone in the Dark. There is a happy ending. The writer left before Uwe Boll could take his script and murder it.
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2649

[Pnikosis]

And so on, he started to hire brain-damaged monkeys as scripwriters

[KNOTE]

"Consider this dungeon seiged, bitch!"

Please pay me according to script doctor's standards.

[KNOTE]

2. He goes to a movie studio and says "I'll make a movie for $15M that will make at least $35M and I'll do it quickly, easily and stay on budget.

Not quite. Alone in the Dark only made $5,132,655 in the theatre and $630,000 from rentals. House of the Dead made $10,199,354 in the theatre and $860,000 in rentals. That looks like loosing money to me.

So WHY are they hiring him, again?

There is a loophole in German tax law that compensates failed film ventures made by Germans. That is how he is able to continue making films. He can guarantee that the investors will get a return on their investment, or their money back. In the meantime, he makes a fat wad of cash himself for being 2 above-the-line positions (producer and director) and he gets to play with millions of dollars of other people's money. So you *can* blame Germany, as it actually is their collective fault.

[Deadend]

Ze Nazis did it!

Uwe Boll is a honorary Nazi for making such horrible movies.

[zyzyx]

Yeah, the german tax loophole is the problem here. I'm not 100% on how it works, even after reading this:

http://slate.msn.com/id/2117309/

His movies don't cost $15m to make. They cost $0.00 exc. marketing. He can't get the money back for marketing, however he can get it back if he say buys an already established franchise, relies on brand recognition for the marketing and then runs it into the ground.

[Justin_McElroy]

So what we're saying here is Uwe Bowl is an idiotic, miserable director, but a financial wizard. Dear Lord, he's thwarted me at every turn!

[Rafer]

Yeah I was listening to the commentary of 'Alone in the Dark' and he said people always ask him where he gets the money to make his films, and he specifically mentioned 'german financing'.

Sad thing is how much trouble good directors like Terry Gilliam have getting money.

[XenonCJ]

But I think the real question is WHY do the studios keep giving him money to make movies? WHO is making THAT decision??? I would bet if they grabbed someone at random who reads EvilAvatar.com, that person would direct the movie better and make more money for the studio on less budget. Time to start a write in campaign to Uwe Boll's producers or something.

[kickmybum]

I don't know what the big deal of Uwe Boll is. So far, the only movie I've even heard of him doing is Alone In the Dark and I heard it wasn't completely awful. What's the scoop?

[Gitaroomaan]

But I think the real question is WHY do the studios keep giving him money to make movies? WHO is making THAT decision??? I would bet if they grabbed someone at random who reads EvilAvatar.com, that person would direct the movie better and make more money for the studio on less budget. Time to start a write in campaign to Uwe Boll's producers or something.

Studios don't finance his films, he gets independant financiers (business men, etc) to provied the cash. Then he just shops the movie to studios who pay an amount for distribution rights, a generally small ammount depending on the film in question.

[thecrazyd]

I don't know what the big deal of Uwe Boll is. So far, the only movie I've even heard of him doing is Alone In the Dark and I heard it wasn't completely awful. What's the scoop?
He also made House of the Dead as well as some terrible German shit. They have all been completely awfull.

[Ernst_Jager]

http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html

some of the comments are pretty good.

[thecrazyd]

Do you people even watch his movies? They are hillarious! You wouldn't be so offended if you would just lighten up and learn to enjoy really bad movies.

[j00s]

...Burt Reynolds in chainmail fighting orc zombies escaped from a secret government installation!

Damn me for thinking that actually sounds good.

[Dr.Finger]

Not quite. Alone in the Dark only made $5,132,655 in the theatre and $630,000 from rentals. House of the Dead made $10,199,354 in the theatre and $860,000 in rentals. That looks like loosing money to me.

So WHY are they hiring him, again?

You're forgetting DVD sales. Nowadays every action/sci-fi/horror movie makes a killing on DVD. You're at the point now where the DVD end is more profitable than the theatrical end.

[mkelehan]

I don't know what the big deal of Uwe Boll is. So far, the only movie I've even heard of him doing is Alone In the Dark and I heard it wasn't completely awful. What's the scoop?
Ladies and gentleman, Uwe Boll's mom.

[Justin_McElroy]

When I see his name, I get the same physical reaction I used to get watching people eat French-cut green beans when I was a kid. Namely, it feels like my throat is being attacked by a vomit.

[Kyle Jones]

I just thought of a good thing about this. Gas Powered might've made more money, and with that money, might make more Total Annihilation-style games.

[Apex]

He's doing a whole bunch, I read a list somewhere, i forget the line up of films he's doing.

But I already knew about this for about a month, someone I know went for an audition. According to him Uwe Boll is of the impression their making a game based on his film that he hasn't made yet.

[Erisian]

Suffice it to say that the Dungeon Seige movie will be set on an island and will involve going into a dark cave to fight monsters just like EVERY OTHER FUCKING UWE BOLL MOVIE EVER!

Also, fuck Matthew Lillard.

Also, I heard Uwe Boll's next movie after Dungeon Seige will be 'Pong: the Movie'.

[bardockkun]

Let's not forget he's also making the movie Postal and i can't get over how bad the Bloodrayne movie poster is, especially Micheal Madsen with the terrible mullet and the Rayne costume not made of leather, pleather, or even vinyl just makes it look like so much more tacky.

[Ailer]

I think we can all agree that Mr Boll needs to go into accounting as opposed to directing.

[Madhatter45]

He's also making hunter: the reckoning. Someone at White Wolf needs shot for allowing him the rights to make the movie. Nah, screw being shot, they need torn in half by voracious wolves, crammed into a blender then fed to George Forman. :mad:

[Drinking_Buddy]

This is why Hollywood is seeing a conutinued slump in there sales. People give Uwe Boll and people like him money to make films.

[Ailer]

He's also making hunter: the reckoning. Someone at White Wolf needs shot for allowing him the rights to make the movie. Nah, screw being shot, they need torn in half by voracious wolves, crammed into a blender then fed to George Forman. :mad:
I'm not sure we could risk the 'if i eat you, i become you factor.' Your plan would make 2 Uwe Boll's instead of one. Which, in all honesty, I would much rather not think about.

edit: yeah, the wolves count too.

[Madhatter45]

I'm not sure we could risk the 'if i eat you, i become you factor.' Your plan would make 2 Uwe Boll's instead of one. Which, in all honesty, I would much rather not think about.

edit: yeah, the wolves count too.

No, no, You missunderstood. I said the guy at white wolf that ALLOWED Uwe Boll to have the rights to Hunter needs to be killed and fed to george forman. I can think up FAR worse things to do to Uwe Boll. :mad:

[Cha-Ka]

This is why Hollywood is seeing a conutinued slump in there sales. People give Uwe Boll and people like him money to make films.
...whose movies are so unbelievably awful they turn the public against the very idea of movies. Clearly, this guy Boll has to be stopped by any means necessary!

Gandalf didnt make the horses appear from the river water. That was Arwen, Steven Tyler's daughter. Only the power of the house of Aerosmith could control the elements like that.
Those words are a fiendishisly clever trap that's designed to draw me into a Books-versus-Movies debate...but I ain't biting!

[Vorphalack]

Do you people even watch his movies? They are hillarious! You wouldn't be so offended if you would just lighten up and learn to enjoy really bad movies.

Dude, you don't even know how many B movies I watch and love the shit out of (Add Bill Zebub's "Worst horror movie ever made" to your netflix if you got it)....and even I think Uwe Boll is a fucking joke.

The problem with Uwe Boll is that he takes himself seriously. He truly thinks he is making awesome movies. "This movie has so many action shot! Can you name another movie this summer with So many action shot? No you can not because no other movie has action shot like me!" would be something he might say. Youc an even tell if by watching the Bloodrayne Trailer that he thinks he is being "epic" with his aerial shots circling around the mounted swordsman....gimme a break.

House of the dead I will give you....that movie has some truly laughable moments that at least make it worth checking out if you are drunk. Alone in the Dark, however, was fucking pathetic. It was just BORING.

Btw, did you guys read that Dungeon Siege apparently has a 60 million dollar budget (ref: joblo.com)

-V

[B_Money]

I dunno if anyone has read this on Something Awful, but it's about a first time scriptwriter working with Uwe Boll on Alone in the Dark. There is a happy ending. The writer left before Uwe Boll could take his script and murder it.
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2649

I always assumed this was an urban legand. I mean nobody can be that stupid, right? 12 year olds posting on IGN who speak english as second language come out sounding smarter than Uwe does in that article. Of course, considering his movies, maybe it is real.

[CrazyBob]

The intrepid director has already told one trade paper that he envisions a three-hour running time for "Dungeon Siege."

Oh god! We are screwed!

[mkelehan]

Do you people even watch his movies? They are hillarious! You wouldn't be so offended if you would just lighten up and learn to enjoy really bad movies.

No. No, no. No, no, no. This goes beyond that. House of the Dead actually drained me of all enjoyment I might have had for the day. It's the cinematic equivalent of a Dementor from the Harry Potter universe.

[Racknahm]

Oh god! We are screwed!

Oh no! He thinks he's going to make the next Lord of the Rings.

[thecrazyd]

Whoa whoa whoa... Alone in the Dark was boring? It was non-stop action! Stupid gunfight after stupid gunfight, with a creepy sex scene to mix it up a bit! It was hillariously shitty.

[B_Money]

As if Bloodrayne wasn't the end of it already.....Kristanna Loken just agreed to the end of her career with this one. 2 in a row, woman? What are you thinking!!!
-V
Considering that Arnold received like 80% of the Gross from T3, and ms Loken has been in exactly zero movies since then (not counting bloodrayne) I suspect she was thinking "I really need the work, better do as many movies as I can before my looks go" and since no other directors are knocking on her door, she figures she better not pass up the job.

[Kelegacy]

who the fuck funds this guy?

[Kyle Jones]

That's easy Kelegacy. He's fueled by the souls of the damned!

[XenonCJ]

Do you people even watch his movies? They are hillarious! You wouldn't be so offended if you would just lighten up and learn to enjoy really bad movies.I'm not sure, but does this mean perhaps that I don't know what I'm missing and perhaps I should learn to eat glass and razor blades as well?

[B_Money]

I'm not sure, but does this mean perhaps that I don't know what I'm missing and perhaps I should learn to eat glass and razor blades as well?
Just use the razor blades to slit your wrists. In the end you'll suffer less.

[Kelegacy]

That's easy Kelegacy. He's fueled by the souls of the damned!

I heard Uwe Boll's real name is Xykarkalos, Chamberlain of Hell, Senior Pederast of Souls, Overlord of Ymetras, the Township of Torture.

[Heretic Machine]

HOW MANY MOVIES CAN THIS MAN MAKE?!?! I think the sheer number of movies that he pumps out should be proof that he isn't actually putting any thought or effort into them.

[riposte101]

This baffles the mind.

[Heretic Machine]

Oh, and I'd just like to say that Uwe is the movie industry equivalent to "Dr" Gene Ray. We've all been educated singularity stupid.

[Savok]

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

And Uwe putting less effort into his films is a good thing, they may come out better for it.

[WastelandDan]

If this is who Hollywood has chosen to represent videogames and gamers to the masses, no wonder we're stigmatized.

[Deathbane27]

Let's connect some dots, shall we?

Point 1:
But I already knew about this for about a month, someone I know went for an audition. According to him Uwe Boll is of the impression their making a game based on his film that he hasn't made yet.

Point 2:
There is a loophole in German tax law that compensates failed film ventures made by Germans. That is how he is able to continue making films. He can guarantee that the investors will get a return on their investment, or their money back. In the meantime, he makes a fat wad of cash himself...

Point 3:
Crappy videogames based on movies somehow make more money than crappy games with no movie to help drive them. So, logically, this might work for good games too.

Conclusion:
Gas Powered Games is letting this idiot make a movie based on Dungeon Siege in an attempt to get FREE ADVERTISEMENT FOR DUNGEON SIEGE 2! Similar story for the next Bloodrayne, I'm betting.

Let's hope it doesn't work.

[Shifteh]

I will never, in my entire life, understand how this man gets money for more movies.