Uwe Boll Strikes Again

[if76]

1up.com (http://www.1up.com/) reports that filmmaker and infamous internet joke Uwe Boll plans to make a movie based on the Postal videogame series (http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3141458).

The adaptation will reportedly feature "all of the characters" from the video games, but with a brand-new, Boll-branded storyline. With the first draft of the script completed, Boll KG will move into production of Postal in February of next year.
Update: Gamecloud is reporting (http://www.gamecloud.com/article.php?article_id=321) that this rumor is false.

Gamecloud spoke to Running With Scissors head Vince Desi who confirmed to us that while there has been some interest in making a movie based on their ultra-violent action game series from several parties, including Uwe Boll, no deals have yet to be signed.
Postal and Uwe Boll deserve each other.

[Mondopest]

To quote Darth Vader....

"nnnnnnnooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOooooOOOOOoo!! !!!!!!!....!!!!....."

How can this man be allowed to continue making films!?! This is enough to contemplate pushing the button. Surely a band of post apocalyptic mutants can have a better chance at making a film when compared to this guy. Holy crud this is completely unacceptable.....I have to go and get pissed now for the coming apocalypse, excuse me.

[bone_matrix]

I say give Postal to this guy. It was an interesting game for a while, but that was it. After Postal, give him State of Emergency. Keep him busy for a while and away for movies that are based on games that may have a chance at being good.

[if76]

I really don't see how postal lends itself to a movie at all. Especially not a cookie-cutter Paul Anderson type action movie that the Bollster is fond of making.

[Heretic Machine]

This announcment brings out emotions in me that can not be expressed in any known language. I will now do my best to let these out in a way you all can understand:

ASDFQARJWEKJRAWJFDASDKJFASKGJSDFGHDFJGJSDAKFJKASDJ FKJASDKFJASDLFJASDJFKLAJSDLFJALSKDJFGKLAJHJASFSDHA GKJDSFATHNWERJRTOWEJRIFGJWEIGFWJIRJWEIORTJWEORJOKJ OQWERQWIRQIWROI%#@JTKFWEJGKSJDFIJSDIF#$U^%T(*TSDFW EMRCIV JEWUW(E@#(*%*@#%(@#*%@%

!

[Morrolan]

Holy crap. This is a match made in heaven. Postal is mindless, stupid, moronic action, and Boll is a mindless stupid moron, and he loves action! I swear to God, this is the best idea Hollywood has ever had. Occupy this rabid asshole with something it's IMPOSSIBLE to ruin. Hell, next they should give him Space Invaders. OR JOUST!

If you can't get rid of him, find a way to keep his little pea-brain occupied while the talented people make the promising films.

[Madhatter45]

Hey this could actually work. Uwe Boll has no brains (as is postal is a mindless shooter) and Gary Colemen needs work. It's win/win. Uwe Boll gets to direct (and therefore stay the hell away from everything that could actually resemble a good movie) and Gary Colemen gets some money. Huzzah!

[Sloth]

Uwe Boll probably gets crazy ass amounts of pussy though. Assuming he's not gay. I mean even a director of bad movies is still a director. And for some reason that makes women get wetter than a fat guy jogging through the rain forest..

[Snowmit]

You are claiming that women really like fat guys jogging through the rainforest but not as much as they like Uwe Boll?

[Offworlder]

Has Boll picked up the rights for "Deer Hunter: The Movie" yet? That's the only way he's getting me in a theatre.

[B_Money]

You are claiming that women really like fat guys jogging through the rainforest but not as much as they like Uwe Boll?

Who doesn't like fat guys jogging in the rainforest? The only thing funnier than a fat guy running, is a fat guy running with monkeys. And where are monkeys? In the rain forest. Plus, you know, chicks dig a guy with a sense of humor.

[bradlay]

It doesn't matter. Taxi Driver is being turned into a dull shoot 'em up. Why not make a lame shoot 'em up a bad movie.

[Subbacultcha]

Has Boll picked up the rights for "Deer Hunter: The Movie" yet? That's the only way he's getting me in a theatre.

It's been done:
http://imdb.com/title/tt0077416/

Starring Robert De Niro before he entered the lazy-greedy-dirty-ho phase of his career.

[Cpt.Justice]

Yeah I think Deer Hunter won best picture, too. Really good movie.

[Derwin]

I thought it was great when someone hacked his official website and replaced it with the message "Please stop making movies."

[Last of the Red Hot Mamas]

But we need Uwe Boll. Most contemporary directors are merely mediocre, but Boll is the Coleman Francis of our time. We can't give that up.

[bobbler]

I guess someone has to make the crappy films...

What will we compare the good movies to if we don't have the bad ones?

I believe Vanilla Sky said it best with:
the sweet is never as sweet without the sour

[Pnikosis]

After this, he could direct Daikatana, the movie... (plus we could check how good he is directing an army of evil frogs)

[KamaItachi]

I think his next project should be Godfather: The Movie of the Game of the Movie starring a totally CGI marlon Brando based on the game footage and F-list actors playing the rest of the cast.

[Offworlder]

It's been done:
http://imdb.com/title/tt0077416/

Starring Robert De Niro before he entered the lazy-greedy-dirty-ho phase of his career.

Yeah, well, Uwe Boll could so pwn that silly hack director Cimino with his version. And there wouldn't be any of that Vietnam shit. No, it would be the way it should have been... Guys that chew tobacco, with shotguns, in camo jumpsuits, hunting deers. Yes, deers. Not deer. Deers. CGI deers, even! Fuck yeah. And lots of half-assed bullet-time effects.

And, yeah, DeNiro probably would agree to be in it.

[Mav]

Hmmm

That's not a bad idea; give him a movie(s) to keep him occupied

Let him do Duke Nukem (Forever And Ever...) or Daikatana or something equally as shitty, over hyped that every idiot with $5 to waste would go see.

It would keep him busy at least 6 months out of the year, and save a few scripts for actual good movies at the bare minimum.

Please, think of the good movies

[PacerDawn]

After watching "House of the Dead" and "Alone in the Dark", I have to say that this guy is horrible. Why he thinks that putting a music video segment in the middle of his movies is cool is beyond me.

Also, his movies are very hard to suspend disbelief in. Take for example, "Alone in the Dark". Over 90 minutes of film and Christian Slater didn't go to jail once. Totally unbelieveable.