How To F*cking Pirate PC Games

[PacerDawn]

This guide will help you losers pirate games. Fuck Steam and GameStop and all that bullshit that want money for games, right? You are too kewl for that shit.

1. Get a computer. What, you didn't know you needed a computer to pirate PC GAMES? What the fuck do you think "PC" stand for? "Pig Cunt"? Dumbass.
2. Download some bittorrent software. I don't care what goddamn software you download, just Google that shit. uTorrent? Limewire? eMule? WHO THE FUCK CARES JUST DOWNLOAD IT.
3. Install the goddamn thing on the computer. If you don't know how to install software, you can stop reading right now and go back to playing your my little fucking ponies or whatever shit and stop wasting my goddamn time.
4. Go to fucking Google and look for a good bittorrent tracker. Don't go to Pirate Bay or TorrentFreak, those sites are for pussies. Go to some underground location that sounds bad-ass, like eXtEmE KeWl pWn-U TrAcKeR! or some shit.
5. Look on that bitch for the game you want. You don't see it? Find another fucking tracker! Jesus Christ, do I have to hold your fucking dick too?
6. Click the seed to start the fucking download.
7. You probably downloaded a disk image so burn that shit to a blank DVD. No no, take the fucking blank CD out of there, there isn't enough fucking room on that shit, you butt fuck.
8. Once the DVD is burned, you can install the game. Ignore your fucking virus scanner, it's just pissed because you got some bad-ass games and it can't play them.
9. There should be a directory on that disk called "Crack" or some shit, so copy those files into wherever the fuck you installed the game. Again, ignore your whiney fucking virus scanner, you useless cocktard.
10. Play that shit.
11. Congratulations, you are now a PC Game Pirate.

If, after pirating this shit you find that your computer is running really really slow and you are suddenly see a lot of porn popping up all over the fucking place, your welcome. That's what you get for being a fucking pirate, douchebag.

[Orz]

Thank you for your contribution.

[Suicidal ShiZuru]

FUCK yeah mother fuck shit butt dick!

[Ravenus]

Who is this fucktard? Some elite pro who doesn't even know what Daemon tools are? Noob! Go back to your pirate academy and stop trying to be all leet.

[asimplehero]

This must be the new /ea/ board. Feels bad man.

[White667]

... What's with all the language.

[Johan]

FUCK yeah mother fuck shit butt dick!

Your CliffsNotes version is better than the original. ;)

[White667]

Anyway, if people want to download and pirate games; let them. Don't insult them and don't be pissed, it's a way of life. Like internet and porn, there's always going to be people who will want things but won't want to pay. Businesses, by spending money on trying to "solve" piracy are simply increasing the amount of money they've wasted on a futile task.

[Agnostic Pope]

I am angry son! 4 bucks for max payne? Raaaaaaaaaaagggggggggeeeeee! :d

Ravenus: Right on!

[randir14]

Torrents really made pirating too easy. I remember the days of having to wait in line in IRC.

[Anenome]

The salient points:

8. Once the DVD is burned, you can install the game. Ignore your fucking virus scanner, it's just pissed because you got some bad-ass games and it can't play them.
9. There should be a directory on that disk called "Crack" or some shit, so copy those files into wherever the fuck you installed the game. Again, ignore your whiney fucking virus scanner, you useless cocktard.

If, after pirating this shit you find that your computer is running really really slow and you are suddenly see a lot of porn popping up all over the fucking place, your welcome. That's what you get for being a fucking pirate, douchebag.

[Agnostic Pope]

No real pirate ever get viruses though. I mean even their Anti-malaware,virus/whatever they got free. However people that pay 60 bucks for 20mb of shit gets the virus! This thread is fail. I don't know a single person (but me) that pays for music or even buy cd's (they go into your dvd reader...yeah that thing people never use only to play games). Much less games or antivirus software. Pc is pirate king and it will be that way FOREVER.

[oldschooldimo]

profanity makes me sound angry and cool at the same time!!!!!!!!

[lockwoodx]

Developer rants about his boss because the publisher insisted on excessive DRM.

ekkldCWkibw

[Anenome]

No real pirate ever get viruses though. I mean even their Anti-malaware,virus/whatever they got free. However people that pay 60 bucks for 20mb of shit gets the virus! This thread is fail. I don't know a single person (but me) that pays for music or even buy cd's (they go into your dvd reader...yeah that thing people never use only to play games). Much less games or antivirus software. Pc is pirate king and it will be that way FOREVER.

You'll eventually get a virus / rootkit by pirating. Just law of averages. It's perhaps the easiest way for a botnet maker, etc., to game people into running an executable willingly. And you probably won't have a clue that you have one. The scene releases may begin clean, but it doesn't take much for someone to grab one, give it a virus, and then re-release it.

[Agnostic Pope]

You can get a rootkit just by being online as well no?

[Anenome]

You can get a rootkit just by being online as well no?
Much harder. And much easier to avoid. Keep your Win up to date, invest in a hardware firewall. This is a big one: turn off scripting in your PDF viewer of choice (I like Foxit). PDF exploits were responsible for 80% of infections last year. Also, have a fairly secure root password that can't be guessed by a random bot.

Opening 'wares' is very risky online behavior, along with clicking strange email links, and the other obvious ones.

[Ravana]

thanks for this, i'll seed for 3 days

[Mojopin]

What are you? A bunch of women that can't handle a few curse words..? Grow a pair people and quit sitting on the toilet when you piss just because your wife wants you to...

[PacerDawn]

Honestly I wasn't expecting anyone to take this post seriously, but look at it for what it is--a joke. You've outdone yourselves, I applaud you.

Much harder. And much easier to avoid.

Unfortunately, it's not as cut and dry to avoid viruses as you might think. It used to be you had to click on an executable to get a virus, but not anymore. Now all you have to do is browse to a web site or view an email. It's completely passive these days, with the biggest exploit targets being browsers and Adobe reader. And it's compounded by the fact that most web sites use 3rd party ad servers and don't control the content. So you can go to the most reputable site on the planet and -- BLAMMO -- virus.

Keep up to date? Yeah, that will keep you save as long as the software vendor has patched. The problem is, a lot of vendors (including, Microsoft) will sit on a known vulnerability until a known exploit is out before they scramble to patch it. And, even if it's in the wild, there is no guarantee they will patch it any time soon.

Good advice about keeping safe. I might also add using FireFox only and using both the NoScript and Add Block Plus plugins. Of course, if you are running Windows, there is no getting around using IE since it is necessary for windows updates and Outlook. For IE, set your internet security setting to HIGH and only allow Microsoft.

Also, I recommend Avast virus scanner, it's the best I have found (and free), and it will scan on reboot before windows has a chance to load if you choose, which helps with rootkits and the like. I actually run both that and Microsoft security essentials (anther freebie).

Again, this won't keep you 100% safe, but it will be close.

[pwnophobia]

The only way to protect yourself from viruses is to turn off the computer and store it in a pad locked closet.

[Agnostic Pope]

Sure. We could have just said lol or whatever. But why? When we could post against the title screen and then your anti-pirate "stance". Much funnier.

[divinechaos]

Loved it. Now I wanna be a pirate!

[corwiniii]

Usenet for the win. And the viruses can't get past the tin foil hat losers.

[Anenome]

Unfortunately, it's not as cut and dry to avoid viruses as you might think. It used to be you had to click on an executable to get a virus, but not anymore. Now all you have to do is browse to a web site or view an email. It's completely passive these days, with the biggest exploit targets being browsers and Adobe reader. And it's compounded by the fact that most web sites use 3rd party ad servers and don't control the content. So you can go to the most reputable site on the planet and -- BLAMMO -- virus.

Keep up to date? Yeah, that will keep you save as long as the software vendor has patched. The problem is, a lot of vendors (including, Microsoft) will sit on a known vulnerability until a known exploit is out before they scramble to patch it. And, even if it's in the wild, there is no guarantee they will patch it any time soon.

Good advice about keeping safe. I might also add using FireFox only and using both the NoScript and Add Block Plus plugins. Of course, if you are running Windows, there is no getting around using IE since it is necessary for windows updates and Outlook. For IE, set your internet security setting to HIGH and only allow Microsoft.

Also, I recommend Avast virus scanner, it's the best I have found (and free), and it will scan on reboot before windows has a chance to load if you choose, which helps with rootkits and the like. I actually run both that and Microsoft security essentials (anther freebie).

Again, this won't keep you 100% safe, but it will be close.
Right, you added a bunch of things I forgot and wish'd I'd included, so thank you. Actually, I've excised IE completely by just having Windows update do all my updating as soon as a patch gets pushed.

Adblocker will keep you quite safe, but the main vector for ad viruses lately has been ads that, ironically, push PDFs to you.

It's true that security is backwards looking. If you get targeted specifically there's almost nothing you can do to avoid being infected. That's the dirty secret that keeps corporate and government espionage experts in business.

Oh, and having an actual hardened password helps a great deal as well.

But this state of affairs can't truly last forever, can it. Imagine a future that is post a world-wide cyberwar, along with the economic destruction it entails. A virtual WWIII.

In this world, the individual user has ceded the fact that they cannot keep themselves secure on the net. So, they've entered into a new agreement with the botnet overlords.

Basically, you choose your allegiance to a botnet in exchange for them keeping your computer clean and patched from all other viruses and etc. In exchange, the overlord uses your comp for various purposes.

The most popular botnets use your spare computes and bandwidth, moderately, for academic and scientific purposes, and the 'overlord' is a team of university-sponsored white-hat hackers operating out of specific college labs employing teams of graduate and undergraduate computer engineers. The botnet is rented out for various scientific pursuits.

And if a botnet overlord can't keep your computer clean from the blackhats that want to turn your computer into a spam zombie, etc., you switch allegiance to someone else by installing their allegiance-package :P

Who knows if things will become that bad >_> But it is an extension of what already happens: it's well known that certain viruses will infect a computer and then not only clean out all other virus infections but also automatically apply MS patches and improve the security of the system in myriad other ways :P IIRC, Conficker does this, as one example.

[erikistired]

limewire is the bomb yo.

[Lord Maiden]

I approve this message. Fuck you, pirates. Eat shit.

The same thing with Giantbomb. They can suck my ass with their kiddie fucking anime avatars and assholes who defend pirating. Dumb cocks.

[Shela Monster]

I approve this message. Fuck you, pirates. Eat shit.

The same thing with Giantbomb. They can suck my ass with their kiddie fucking anime avatars and assholes who defend pirating. Dumb cocks.

/necro

~Shela Monster

[Lord Maiden]

Yeah, it's an old post but pirating is still kicking.

You now what I would like to do? I would like to hang a pirate by his dick and slap him in the face repeatedly with a ping pong paddle. Then I would cut off his cock with a butter knife. After, I'll tie him to a fucking cactus in the middle of the desert and hand him a Dixie cup of water and tell him good luck, you fucking jerk off.

I piss on pirates. I shit on pirates. I take pictures of pirates and tape them to the inside of my infants diaper. Nothing like baby shit smeared all over a pirate.

[Agnostic Pope]

You almost made this a ONE YEAR NECRO; Anenome would be proud! :P

[Lord Maiden]

If piracy still lives, so must this wonderful topic!

[Lord Maiden]

Anyway, if people want to download and pirate games; let them. Don't insult them and don't be pissed, it's a way of life. Like internet and porn, there's always going to be people who will want things but won't want to pay. Businesses, by spending money on trying to "solve" piracy are simply increasing the amount of money they've wasted on a futile task.

Fuck that. Passive behavior is exactly what's wrong with the world. Yeah, let them do what they are doing. Fine fucking people. Don't insult those little cumwads.

It might be a way of life to you, but it's an insult to honest people who value gaming.

Fuck pirates. Fucking assholes. Fucking cocksucking thieves.

[randir14]

Whose secondary account are you?

[Agnostic Pope]

You've been here for 6 years...any guesses?

[randir14]

Yes but I'll keep them to myself so I don't look like an idiot if I'm wrong, lol.

[Agnostic Pope]

Can't be Zeal (http://doomed.evilavatar.com/forums/member.php?u=1974) that guy was a pirate...or maybe this was necro'd to THROW US OFF! OMG!

[Zurik]

When I read the first post I thought this was a dramatic reading of the Bulletstorm script.

[Lord Maiden]

Whose secondary account are you?

Nobody. Yes, a new user can actually bump an old post. I'm sorry you don't believe so.

[Agnostic Pope]

When I read the first post I thought this was a dramatic reading of the Bulletstorm script.

Ha! I say excellent joke!

[Anenome]

Please let it die.

[Agnostic Pope]

But you necro! You should be proud!

[Anenome]

I don't necro this old, and I don't necro pointlessly as this was. Please stop posting and let the thread go back to dead.

[Lord Maiden]

Yeah, um...no.

[Reverend Meta]

Ok I prety much understand the instructions but where the fuck do I get a computer? Can I use my Xbox?

[revelation]

Your CliffsNotes version is better than the original. ;)

What happened to Johan, anyway?

[Agnostic Pope]

What happened to Johan, anyway?

He was...taken care off.

[Jamikazi]

He was...taken care off.

I miss the 20 dollar gamer

[Anenome]

Coincidentally, they used a 20 dollar assassin.

[Agnostic Pope]

Silence Anenome! Thou speaketh too much!

[Chimpbot]

Yeah, it's an old post but pirating is still kicking.

You now what I would like to do? I would like to hang a pirate by his dick and slap him in the face repeatedly with a ping pong paddle. Then I would cut off his cock with a butter knife. After, I'll tie him to a fucking cactus in the middle of the desert and hand him a Dixie cup of water and tell him good luck, you fucking jerk off.

I piss on pirates. I shit on pirates. I take pictures of pirates and tape them to the inside of my infants diaper. Nothing like baby shit smeared all over a pirate.

I think you need counseling. Just sayin'.

[Agnostic Pope]

Motherfucker dicktits maiden is crazy; disregard.

[Lord Maiden]

"duh he teh trolltz!"

Shut the fuck up, idiot.

I love it when people accuse others of trolling. No, genius, I'm actually sincere with my convictions. How about you learn what the fuck a troll is and suck my ass after you do?

Thank you. And fuck pirates.

[Agnostic Pope]

Disregard Bitch Tits is insane. I do not deal with crazies.

[Lord Maiden]

Oh no. Recycled internet memes for the win!

[Agnostic Pope]

Disregard Kid Maiden is insane. I do not deal with crazies.

[Lord Maiden]

No I didn't. Learn to read usernames, you clueless fucktard.

[Chimpbot]

http://i.imgur.com/rJgDc.jpg

Let's tick this down a notch or five, guys.

[Agnostic Pope]

Disregard he is insane. I do not deal with crazies.

[Lord Maiden]

Dicktits. Dicktits.