[EDITORIAL] - EB Games Reviews Review

[bapenguin]

I'm starting something new. Every week I'm going to bring you the best of the best of user reviews from EB Games.com (http://www.ebgames.com). This week we'll take a look at one of the reviews (http://www.ebgames.com/ebx/editorial/reviews/reviews.asp?page=4&pf_id=259907&intDeptTab=16) of Black from Criterion Studios and EA Games.it better have awesome online play, kinda like Battlefeild 2: Modern Combat Online Play, but not as "army" like.

Itd be cool to have your own team go against other teams. but they already have that so itd just be another shooter game online, but since i dont really know much of this game, to me so far, it looks like another Killzone game, kinda like the bootleg version of Killzone, just my thoughts, but ofcourse i'll buy this game.

Well Aaron, I'm sorry to disappoint you , but Black doesn't have any online play. In fact there isn't any multiplayer at all. It would be nice if the game had team vs team play which "might be cool", but it's gotten a bit stale as you've pointed out. You do suggest your singular team against multiple other teams, but apparently they have that too.

Do not worry though Aaron! This is not a "bootleg copy of Killzone." I've heard from a reliable source that Criterion built this game all on their own, and thanks to another EB Games review post I know there were over 200 employees working on it...apparently the most ever for a game! And the game isn't very "army" like either!

EA knows none of this matters though, since you are going to buy it anyway, you FPS whore you.

[DriveALW]

This is pretty funny, and quite mean. EA is taking a page from Something Awful. Still, it gets the thumbs-up from me.

[bapenguin]

This is pretty funny, and quite mean. EA is taking a page from Something Awful. Still, it gets the thumbs-up from me.

Friday's are traditionally slow on news. Figured some people could use a good laugh. I just need to come up with a name for the column.

[danhoo]

Bap, keep doing this, it's hilarious. "User reviews" on EBgames.com are so horrible, they're unintentionally good.

[Evil Avatar]

That is awesome. It gave me a chuckle and I needed one after sparring with my Union rep.

[AntB]

Bapenguins EB Review Roundup! beta.

[DriveALW]

Friday's are traditionally slow on news. Figured some people could use a good laugh. I just need to come up with a name for the column.


You should call it Retard LIKE game!

[ldi222]

This is a cool idea and aside from a good chuckle it might be constructive in some sort of wacky way as maybe there will be some hidden insight in these reviews from time to time. Things we may never have considered.

"Eb fanboy ignorance on display."

[Taco]

Well you're certainly never, ever, going to run out of material.

[askheaves]

Having a hard time telling satire from sarcasm from earnest truth, and being too lazy and busy--but with plenty of time to construct this sentence--to look the info up myself, is it true that Black has no multiplayer component at all to it?

[bapenguin]

Having a hard time telling satire from sarcasm from earnest truth, and being too lazy and busy--but with plenty of time to construct this sentence--to look the info up myself, is it true that Black has no multiplayer component at all to it?

I speak the truth.

[RudyPoo]

Okay, so after 3 or so YEARS of lurking, this 'news' bit has forced my hand and I've finally registered.

Keep it soming and I'll have to donate even.

I regularly refer to these excellent reviews and apply the incredible insight and wisdom to my own game development projects whenever I can.

You can learn alot form a dummy.

-R

[Dirty Harry]

Friday's are traditionally slow on news. Figured some people could use a good laugh. I just need to come up with a name for the column.
very good idea bap, step it up a notch and do a handful of reviews. Purposely pick bad ones to make fun of etc dood.

[Babbster]

My suggestion for a title? The "Magic" of Online Customer Reviews...

That way, you could expand and grab a few from Amazon as well, another place where people with the IQ and self-control of howler monkeys hold forth on games that they haven't played, or haven't even been released.

[Doctor Setebos]

Friday's are traditionally slow on news. Figured some people could use a good laugh. I just need to come up with a name for the column.
Well since you're reviewing a review of a game, that basically makes it a 'meta-review' (Joystiq likes to do these (http://www.joystiq.com/2006/02/17/metareview-grandia-iii-ps2/)).

So, I'd suggest the Evil Avatar EB Games Meta-Reviews.

[n3rdXcore]

oh
my
god

bapenguin YOU ARE A GENIOUS

[Babbster]

That way, you could expand and grab a few from Amazon as well, another place where people with the IQ and self-control of howler monkeys hold forth on games that they haven't played, or haven't even been released.

I'm breaking my own rule of etiquette here by replying to myself, but after thinking about it a minute, I like this title: Howler Monkeys Speak Out!. :D

[StoneGut]

NICE!!

This is going to defentially be a high-lite of the week!

[fitbabits]

you FPS whore you.
Just because... :)

[AniAko]

I'm sorry, if you're going to EBGames.com to look at game reviews you deserve to buy every shitty title (title of topic excluded) shat out not only be EA but every software studio out there. I feel it's been made quite obvious to the community that user reviews are tainted with more than fanboy rants now a days.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/01/25

The links on PA site are all still screwed up. But Tycho covers the company that supposedly put in some of the plants in the news post related to the comic.

[askheaves]

name ideas... feel free to canabalize:

Voice of the People
Screams in the Night
Your Review Sucks
Grammar Patrol
LUser Reviews
Sessions of the Keyboard Revocation Committee
Unsolicited Reviews to Unsolicited Reviews

just a start...

[Mortis]

Everytime I go there I see ones like "BF2 R GOOD GAME BUY IT" with like a 1 star rating and shit. Pretty funny stuff here.

[AniAko]

name ideas... feel free to canabalize:

Voice of the People
Screams in the Night
Your Review Sucks
Grammar Patrol
LUser Reviews
Sessions of the Keyboard Revocation Committee
Unsolicited Reviews to Unsolicited Reviews

just a start...

Evil's Advocate :D It's gotta have "Evil" in it ;)

[sickfallout]

Awesome! I love the idea! Next project: Delve deep into the horror that is the GameFAQs message board. You could find a thousand hilarious threads in about 20 seconds.

[AaronMoreno]

you guys is meen, i didnt know that this game had no mutliplayer because my friend told me it had it but then said something like they took it out because they did not have time. and the game is "army" like, i meen you shoot guns and stuff. i do think it is a Killzone bootleg though. have fun, thats what I do..

[Sazime]

Ya, keep this up. I'm digg'n it ba.

[bean19]

name ideas... feel free to canabalize:

Voice of the People
Screams in the Night
Your Review Sucks
Grammar Patrol
LUser Reviews
Sessions of the Keyboard Revocation Committee
Unsolicited Reviews to Unsolicited Reviews

just a start...

"Your Review Sucks" is clearly the title for this peice.

[Everlost_MI]

Great idea! It made my Friday, thanks bap!

[fitbabits]

"Your Review Sucks" is clearly the title for this peice.
What about Ur Reevyoo Suxors?

Let's ask Aaron.

[Zurik]

You have to try this with Gamefaq posts. Those people are BEGGING to be made fun of. Heck, just reading them without commentary is hilarious.

[AaronMoreno]

What about Ur Reevyoo Suxors?

Let's ask Aaron.

i think my review was good, for what I know about the game, so I think it should be called "Aarons Good Reviews, not a bootleg"

thank you

[AaronMoreno]

how about if I post a review of your reviews of my review, i think your reviews of my review are lame, you guys are tryin to be like a bootleg of "Eddie Murphy" in that movie I saw with my friend who told me this game Black had multiplayer, haha, how do you like it?

[bapenguin]

how about if I post a review of your reviews of my review, i think your reviews of my review are lame, you guys are tryin to be like a bootleg of "Eddie Murphy" in that movie I saw with my friend who told me this game Black had multiplayer, haha, how do you like it?

Please don't give me any more material..."Aaron"

[AaronMoreno]

Please don't give me any more material..."Aaron"

so you didn't like my review of your reviews of my review then, see how do you like it, it was very meen and nasty wasnt it, haha,losers.

[Knite]

so you didn't like my review of your reviews of my review then, see how do you like it, it was very meen and nasty wasnt it, haha,losers.


Umm... you do know a review is something that is done to explain a game/book/movie/CD after you've actually PLAYED/READ/WATCHED/LISTENTED to it, right? Of course, putting that aside... dude... your command of the english language is like a car wreck: out of control and prone to causing pain.

It's not being mean. It's calling you a dumbass for being a dumbass, dumbass.

Oh, and penguin... Nice bro =)

[Dirty Harry]

okay now this thread is comedy gold.

[Taco]

Not to state the obvious(and thus asserting that I'm about to), but I really kind of doubt that's Aaron.

[rein]

Oh my, this is good stuff. I don't think you should limit it to EBgames.com even though that is where most of the 'good' material will come from. The bad thing is, some of you think these reviews are done badly on purpose. Trust me, there are these kind of characters in store too. These people do exist.

[Cyrano]

That's funny stuff. I wouldn't mind one of those every Friday.

[AaronMoreno]

Not to state the obvious(and thus asserting that I'm about to), but I really kind of doubt that's Aaron.

no, its me and i rock your world dont i?

[Oddmaker]

hahah, ello!

[Klade]

I like it. But one suggestion, next time don't put a news item up about a forum post, just do the news item and leave people to comment about it there.

[askheaves]

I'm with Klade. I never actually go into the forums themselves. I just don't have the time to lose anymore on another forum in my life (I'm down to just the occasional post here now). And it'd make things easier if it weren't a link to a link too.

Plus, this is a great feature idea. I'm down with the whole idea that it's Friday, we ain't got shit to do, so let's party.

[Phanto]

"User reviews" on EBgames.com are so horrible, they're unintentionally good.


True.True :D :D

[Taco]

no, its me and i rock your world dont i?

Is Aaron an alias for Erin?

[mister_slim]

I'm sure this'll be amusing to some extent, but couldn't you aim a little higher bap?

Edit: "Loser Reviews" would be the obvious title suggestion. Or 'Luser' if you prefer.

[Spigot]

This brings a huge smile to my otherwise cranky visage. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to see what other gems of the EB Review System you'll unearth for our reading pleasure.

[jspeak32]

Thats not Aaron....

Umm... you do know a review is something that is done to explain a game/book/movie/CD after you've actually PLAYED/READ/WATCHED/LISTENTED to it, right? Of course, putting that aside... dude... your command of the english language is like a car wreck: out of control and prone to causing pain.

It's not being mean. It's calling you a dumbass for being a dumbass, dumbass.

Oh, and penguin... Nice bro =)

[jspeak32]

Maybe I'm just trying to be a sociologist here, but I'd really like to know more about this EBGames review posting community. This "faceless" group of morons, what drives them? What is it exactly that makes them post about games before they are released? Are they being serious, or is it some kind of "game" to them to post a review as quickly as possible just for that purpose? What, do they just surf the EBGames website all day looking for new additions so they can say something before anyone else can? Maybe its just 1 loser idiot who has created countless accounts and spends all day doing this. I almost consider this possible since every post sounds like it came from the same source...or perhaps the community operates via some kind of central retard brain....
Anybody else willing to shred some light on this mysterious and retarded species?
Maybe someone has spotted one in the wild! Any pictures of these elusive retard-beasts would surely be priceless!!!

P.S. Maybe thats another good idea for ba. Have a photochop contest and ba can post a weekly image along with the cited source

Please don't give me any more material..."Aaron"

[Taco]

That's what most people are like. I tend to believe they(for the most part) come across much worse online than in person. However the cluelessness knows no boundries.

I figure the more of these that get posted here the quicker forum members will understand the whole majority/minority concept and how that applies to our opinions :).

[Crono]

Call it "EB's Finest"

[Pigeon]

bap, you are a comedy genius!

[KamaItachi]

no, its me and i rock your world dont i?

You couldn't rock a 3 legged slinky

[AaronMoreno]

You couldn't rock a 3 legged slinky

haha, how funny, slinkys dont even have legs

[AaronMoreno]

Is Aaron an alias for Erin?

who is erin? i dont see no erin, my name is aaron

[Grifter]

How about Idiots with Keyboards: Reveiws from The Cesspool of "gamer forums"

[AaronMoreno]

How about Idiots with Keyboards: Reveiws from Sespools of "gamer forums"

whats a sesppol?

[Grifter]

who is erin? i dont see no erin, my name is aaron

Erin= Male?
Aaron= Female?

[AaronMoreno]

Erin= Male?
Aaron= Female?

no i am a boy.

[Grifter]

whats a sesppol?

I dont know what a sppol is but a Cesspool is a

1. A covered hole or pit for receiving drainage or sewage, as from a house. or

2. A filthy, disgusting, or morally corrupt place.

[Sazime]

Yes, you obviosly are a "boy".

[Grifter]

no i am a boy.

Are you sure about that?

[Abash Alarmist]

Title:

Fireside Rants

or

Ask Bap

or

Game Review SNAFUs

[BabyJesus]

Just to chime in...

http://www.babynames.com/Names/name_display.php?n=AARON

[Taco]

no i am a boy.

Then you may not rock my world sir!!!

[Taco]

Just to chime in...

http://www.babynames.com/Names/name_display.php?n=AARON

I now know that I truely am "a gift of peace".

Or a cruel bit of irony was let loose on my parents........

[Spigot]

I'm a badger in real life... at least, I am according to my name.

Heh. Only 15 people have my name... at least, according to that site. Gotta love obscure names.

[Taco]

I'm going to pretend your last name is Landers.

[Expugnare]

This is hilarious.

Aaron, how did you find us making fun of you?
And please stay for our next installment of WWR: World's Worst Reviews!

[Sazime]

I now know that I truely am "a gift of peace".

Or a cruel bit of irony was let loose on my parents........
Is that what Taco means? I thought it meant "Tasty late night snack". But I'm not sure I like the sound of that any more. :confused:

[Taco]

Hmm, maybe it was supposed to be pieces....

[Cyotik]

Brilliant idea, a possible idea for next week though, instead of reviewing their reviews, we hunt these sickeningly stupid people down and wear their skins as coats.

[Abash Alarmist]

His name is Jeff...

My name means Grassy Plain. Awesome.

[Grifter]

Just to chime in...

http://www.babynames.com/Names/name_display.php?n=AARON

Yeah I got it backwards

Aaron is primarily the male spelling and Erin is the female.

I still like Idiots with Keyboards: Reveiws from The Cesspool of "gamer forums"

[vanlandw]

yeah i like this feature....please make sure it's posted on the front page every friday...very funny ;-)

[Sl1pstream]

EB Reviews: Expect Bullshit

[Kefkataran]

Ha. Bap this is an awesome idea. Best new thing to come out of EvAv in a wihle. Kudos and can't wait to see more! It comes out on, what, Fridays or Saturdays?

[Kelegacy]

I'm a badger in real life... at least, I am according to my name.

Heh. Only 15 people have my name... at least, according to that site. Gotta love obscure names.
Yeah, but you have a great name! It's very Hollywood Action-Star sounding.

"This summer...BROCK will suck your Co--"

Hey, I didn't say Hollywood mainstream.

[Spigot]

Heh. Touché...

Trust me, with a name like Brock, you get used to that particular rhyme VERY early in life.

[Kelegacy]

Ha. Bap this is an awesome idea. Best new thing to come out of EvAv in a wihle. Kudos and can't wait to see more! It comes out on, what, Fridays or Saturdays?
Oh, and welcome to the 4000 club, Kefka. You pathetic frigging creature.

[bapenguin]

Ha. Bap this is an awesome idea. Best new thing to come out of EvAv in a wihle. Kudos and can't wait to see more! It comes out on, what, Fridays or Saturdays?

the plan is for Fridays.

[Kefkataran]

Oh, and welcome to the 4000 club, Kefka. You pathetic frigging creature.

Why thank you, sir. I try my hardest.

[fitbabits]

Quick question, bap. Can people submit possible entries to you if they find them? Because I know that there are people out there just looking for an excuse to go trawling through the EB Games archives. ;)

[Expugnare]

Look at the Halo 3 EB games user reviews. The are the funniest, most retarded things I have ever read.

[mister_slim]

Ha. Bap this is an awesome idea. Best new thing to come out of EvAv in a wihle. Kudos and can't wait to see more! It comes out on, what, Fridays or Saturdays?
Too bad that radio show and website never took off...

:p

[bapenguin]

Quick question, bap. Can people submit possible entries to you if they find them? Because I know that there are people out there just looking for an excuse to go trawling through the EB Games archives. ;)

Yeah that works too.

[Jukey]

Sorry to be a dissenter, but I think this is a horrible idea.
Making fun of the kids on the "little bus" isn't what the cool kids do, it's what the assholes do.

[fitbabits]

Sorry to be a dissenter, but I think this is a horrible idea.
Making fun of the kids on the "little bus" isn't what the cool kids do, it's what the assholes do.
You're missing the point entirely.

Just how you come to the conclusion that this individual rides the "littel bus" (itself a very inflammatory and hurtful phrase) is beyond me.

[Kefkataran]

Making fun of the kids on the "little bus" isn't what the cool kids do, it's what the assholes do.

It's not really "making fun of" insofar as it seems unlikely that the people who write this type of review hang around Evil Avatar. I think you're taking it far too seriously, myself.

[jspeak32]

Sorry to be a dissenter, but I think this is a horrible idea.
Making fun of the kids on the "little bus" isn't what the cool kids do, it's what the assholes do.

Ok, I don't believe any of us considers ourselves "cool kids". If we have to go with your analogy, then we must be "evil kids" :)
Whatever shall we do? These EB posters need to be taught a lesson! They need to be told how stupid they are! So stupid in fact they shouldn't be around a keyboard! And we're just the ones to do it!

[jspeak32]

It's not really "making fun of" insofar as it seems unlikely that the people who write this type of review hang around Evil Avatar. I think you're taking it far too seriously, myself.

Yea, they wouldn't be able to spell avatar in order to get to this site anyway. Nor could they create an account on the sign-up page, its too complicated for them. But it does make me wonder how they manage to do the same on the EB site. There must be a "stupid" button that they can click and it does it all for them.